Vigo and Portsmouth!

Howzit!

So my last blog ended with us leaving Gib and my last day was spent franticly buying up most of the high st (including 8 monkeys for my nephews/nieces/godchildren). A superyacht called Flying Fox pulled up next to us the last 3 days. Due to the weather up towards (and including) the ominous Bay of Biscay, we were being cautious about when to leave Gib. But when Flying Fox left before us, I tried to drop a few hints to our captain that we should follow suit and just take a bit of a beating if necessary, or we would be stuck in Gib for the rest of my life. So the next day we were informed that we would creep up the coast to Vigo, in Northern Spain, just before the Bay of Biscay and then as soon as there was a gap in the weather we’d take it. 

Vigo- another industrial shit hole town. We felt the cold the minute we arrived. An 8 degree drop from Gib. There wasn’t all that much to do there except shop, so I purposefully stayed away to avoid the temptation. Flying Fox was there again and I decided to make friends and went out for dinner with them twice. Some of the menu items had us in giggles: 

We finally arrived in Portsmouth last Saturday- English speaking, first world civilization- thank fuck, I was about to do my head in. After 2.5 weeks in shitty Gibraltar and then 3 days in Vigo, I couldn’t wait to get a train to London the second I arrived. Holy cow Portsmouth is cold though- 2 degrees. When we left Antibes it was between 12 and 16 in the day, so it’s a huge drop in temp and clever fish here came to Europe in Winter without a coat (fail). So Saturday morning after we anchored, I wrapped in the warmest clothes I had, put on my new long suede boots and pretty much ran to the train station fantasizing about the joys of London and seeing my hot kiwi boy (whose name is Harry by the way), who was going to be in London for the weekend and whom I haven’t seen in about 3 weeks. 

The train ride to London is about 2hrs so not so bad. The kiwi was at rugby with the boys, so I went to visit one of my best friend’s brothers- Ian and hung out with him all afternoon. Later that night I went through to the kiwi and his crew who were staying like 45mins away (I forgot how far away everything is in London). We had a bit of a party and then Sunday morning I went to go see my cousin and we went ice skating! For someone who hasn’t ice skated in a few years I did pretty well! I asked my chief stew if I could stay another day to spend some more time with my kiwi boy and I was super stoked when she said yes! I went back to meet the crew and we headed off to a kiff little pub in Wandsworth called The Ship, which is awesome! God Harry is hot, flip. Makes me tingly every time I look at him.  And turns out he can also be really sweet. His friends are just hilarious and I spent the entire night laughing. Decided that kiwi’s are pretty awesome. 

So after a rather sad goodbye from my side, I headed back to Portsmouth and started planning a trip back to Antibes.  Which is now booked and paid- radness! I pretty much land in Heathrow the get on another plane and go straight to Antibes for the weekend- jet setter of note! Can’t wait! Equinox here I come (if I’m allowed back in this time)! 

My roommate finally arrived back from her holiday on Monday. I was a lil nervous of meeting her incase she didn't like me or would get fed up with my snoring and beat me over the head with a pillow in the middle of the night. But she is pretty kiff! She is small like a gnome; pretty and has the most contagious laugh and we get on like toast and jam. We decided to head out for some shopping after work this week and I managed to get some rad Christmas presents, but as usual (I can’t help myself) I fell in love with a gorgeous cream dress and some black ankle boots. 

There was also a pair of patent, dusty pink Kurt Geiger shoes, but I managed to summon the will power to say no to them. 

So I’ve covered my eat/love and now back to the “pray I don’t get fat” bit.

Well...

With 2 week’s till the wedding I stepped up my exercise routine a few weeks ago and then tried to start this weird super strict diet for the last 2 weeks where If I want to eat carbs I have to run off and do 40 squats beforehand (something about it opens up your muscle fibers so whatever you eat is absorbed into your muscles as opposed to being stored for energy- fat).  And I have been trying to have a shake as a meal replacement once a day for either dinner or lunch. I could do that, but then 3 hours later I’d be found raiding the snack cupboard, munching chips and eating biscuits like a squirrel that had just come out of winter hibernation and discovered his secret nut pile.  So after sitting down and having a stern chat with myself, we agreed that I have no will power and can’t live without food, so I’d just try to exercise more and eat tiny portions of as much healthy food as possible (no starch, but can snack on the occasional biscuit or small choccie) and if I don’t have the body that I did when I was 23 then sod it, I don’t actually care anymore (Bridget Jones moment). Food is the second most pleasurable thing in the world to sex and I refuse to go through life missing out on the joy of eating. Life is too short. 

I have also successfully managed to stop drinking wine (my favourite thing) and treat myself just once every 2 weeks to a glass- which I think has actually had the biggest impact on my weight. My first month in Antibes was just a booze fest and I went through a few bottles a night. And this coming few weeks in Cape Town with Tam’s wedding festivities and Christmas, is going to be a huge piss up, so I’m glad I’ve had a detox.

Well me and the girls finally managed to see Twilight the other night and it was even better than I had worked it up to be! We had a lovely dinner beforehand (I was stoked to see there was "Cape Town" pizza on the menu), then each got a tub of Ben & Jerrys which we scoffed down. 

Me and Lara Para

Alice, El and La

We sat in the cinema, wide eyed, shrieking when Taylor Lautner took his top off in one of the first scenes- omg he is ripped. You don’t know what to do with your hands cos you just want to reach out and touch those muscles- aah! 

Die hard fans....

 We put up the Christmas tree in our crew mess on Friday and ate mince pies and played Christmas music. Lara and were so excited, like little kids, bouncing around with Christmas decorations and singing (very out of tune) in everyone’s ear.

Decorations!

Alice and La

Me and El

Our finished tree!

The gingerbread man on my cabin door

All the girls (crap photo quality thanks to Olly...)

I spent the whole of yesterday shopping for Christmas presents and think I managed to ace most of it, including some Percy Pigs for Harry. The shopping in Portsmouth really isn’t that bad- there’s a big shopping centre with a Topshop, Miss Selfridge, Primark, Next, H&M etc and then Gunwharf Quays (the marina where our boat’s berthed) has all the outlet shops for Ralph Lauren, Hugo Boss, Ted Baker, GAP etc. Restraining myself was incredibly hard and took a huge amount of will power. I had to tear myself away from GAP and a silver sequined skirt that fitted like a glove(I actually hid it behind a pile of clothes incase I wanted to come back for it later this week). We literally have the marina outside our front door. The boat is pretty much parked inside the wharf- I walk out the boat and can fall into Ted Baker (or fall out Tiger Tiger/The Slug and Lettuce and into the boat...). 

View of the marina as I step off the passarail. Tiger Tiger on the right...

View of boat from the shops

On watch today so spent the day polishing silver (thrilling). Cape Town soon- cannot wait! Beach, sun, driving a car, sushi and wine at Wakame, wedding, Christmas, Tiger Tiger and seeing all my favourite people (yes that’s you). Lots of loves, see you soon!

Monkey business in Gibraltar

Sooooo basically...

I survived the trip to Gibraltar (or Gib as it’s affectionately called). 2.5 days at sea and I didn’t get sea sick- stoked! Well, that could be due to the mounds of ginger tablets, fresh ginger (that I kept in a tupperware in the fridge and nibbled on every hour) and sea sickness pills I was adamant about taking daily, as well as my sexy “scat” sea sickness wrist bands. The boys ripped me off continuously for being such a hypochondriac.  But hey.... it worked!

 

I think it also just took some getting used to... the first day was okay as the waves were small , so there wasn’t much movement. But that evening the swell was bigger and it was quite bumpy for a while. I tried to lie in my bunk (top) but every time the boat rose up and then crashed down, I kind of levitated in the air for a few seconds and my stomach left itself, before landing back down on my bunk with a bump. I felt that feeling you feel on a rollercoaster- and I don’t like that feeling at all (hence why I will never sky dive or bungy jump). This was going to be a problem... so I rolled up my duvet, grabbed my pillow and headed down to the crew lounge- where there is the least amount of movement. I instantly felt better once sitting on the floor, so decided that this was definitely going to be where I would be sleeping that night. I made myself comfy on the couch and had the best night’s sleep ever. I did get some odd stares though...

I was fine the next day so lost the arm bands and managed to sleep in my bunk and my friend Lara painted my nails. 

Look at the detail on the little flowers!

And then yay! We arrived to sunny skies and warm weather in Gibraltar, which was a welcome change from chilly Antibes. 

As soon as we got a day off, I scampered out like an excited child going on a school outing. Gibraltar is a tax free zone so it would be a complete waste NOT to shop- right?? I mean I’d be saving loads- in the long run...  #justificationtoself

So Tiffany was set loose on the shops of Gibraltar (God help us) and obviously did not come back empty handed... With my weeks pay money in my bag (which I was saving to use to buy the new ipod nano) and 3 of the boys in tow; we ambled up Gibraltar’s main street. The ipod nano proved unsuccessful as they only had the 32G and not the 64G, so I was going to have to wait till the UK. The boys were set on buying Rolex watches (around 9 000 euros), so we walked into a few watch shops. 

And then.... I saw it. I was in love. With a Michael Kors rose coloured watch, with cubic zirconia’s all around it! It was just beautiful! 

My friend Jess Oliver has one back home in SA and I’ve loved it ever since I saw hers. Its big and chunky and is an accessory all on its own. It was coming home with me. Even the whopping 250GBP price tag wasn’t swaying me. I tried it on and rushed outside to show all the boys! And when they had ooh’d and aah’d and I’d given my sales pitch and they had given their approval that it was a good buy, I parted (much easier than I thought) with my cash and left the shop as happy as a girl who’d just been given a pony for Christmas. 

I swore that I wasn’t going to spend any more money, but then I found an angora jersey (and it’s going to be so cold in the UK) and a gorgeous tight fitting black sequinned sparkly dress (for who knows when) and a sequinned cream top. I have no “going out clothes” okay? So what if I splashed out just a little, I’m earning euros now! Besides, 3 of the boys bought 9 000 euro Rolex’s, so my purchase was small in comparison! One thing that is super cheap in Gib is booze and cigarettes- a bottle of vodka/gin etc costs around 8GBP (R100) and a carton of cigarettes is like 20GBP (R300). So it’s good for stocking up and for presents for people etc.

We were only meant to stop in Gib to re-fuel, so were going to be 2 days max, but the weather from Gib to the UK has just been horrendous; so it’s been too dangerous for us to go. One day last week there were 14m swells. And the engineers’ said that even with 4-6m swells we would feel it. So they are waiting for the weather to clear. It’s been 10 days now though, and it really isn’t looking any better. Every day the captain checks the weather and will see a gap in like 3 days time, but then 3 days later the weather has changed again and we push back our departure date. As soon as we get a gap we will make a run for it, but at the moment it doesn’t look like we’ll leave before net Tuesday! And there REALLY isn’t anything to do in Gib. Besides see the monkeys. Which is what I did yesterday!

There is a cable car that goes up to the top of the famous “Rock of Gibraltar” and that’s where the monkeys live. I had been wanting to go for the last week but the weather had been too bad. So yesterday I begged and managed to persuade some of the boys to come up with me, despite the drizzle. They all had brand new camera’s anyway so wanted to test them out. I could not CONTAIN my excitement. Dave, our chef, had gone the week before and a monkey had sat on his head and peed on him! I wanted a monkey to sit on my head!! If that was the only thing I wanted from my trip to Gibraltar, it was that! 

View of Gib from cable car, looking towards Spain

View of the other side, looking towards Africa

So we go up the cable car and start walking, with me squeaking about the monkeys and jumping around like a child (boys not impressed).

We walk down a road and see a car with a dad and son parked in the road, with monkeys all around them. The one monkey had climbed up to the passenger window and was sticking his hands through the car window to get some food that the little boy had. I ran up and started snapping away.

OMG this was so exciting! I asked the little kid if I could have some snacks for the monkeys, hoping if I held one, one would climb up and come and sit on my shoulder. So the boy’s father gave me a box of shreddies (cereal) and I started feeding the monkeys...

Within minutes I was attacked by about 3 monkeys, pulling at my skirt, climbing up my front and yes- sitting on my shoulder! I was in my element and shrieked to the boys to take pics of me so I had evidence of this amazingness! 

I was absolutely loving it and tried to share out the shreddies, but then this massive big monkey who almost pulled down my skirt and underwear, jumped up and grabbed the shreddies out of my hand and ran away with it. 

“Oi!” I said. “You can’t have that!”. So I went up to him to try and pry the box away and he gave me this look, bared his teeth and made an unattractive “ooo” throat noise, which I translated as “Fuck off”. So I did just that and decided to leave him alone before I got bitten. 

At this stage, James had a monkey sitting on his head and he was freaking out, 

so I put my arm out, hoping the monkey would climb onto me instead, and the little shit bit my arm! Thank God it didn't bite through the skin or I probably would have got rabies or something. Serves me right for trying to make friends with wild animals I suppose!

Rock of Gibraltar

Selfie!

Having a stretch...

On Saturday we went out as a crew for the first time and watched the rugby- SA vs. Scotland and England vs. Australia. There were 3 saffa’s (myself, a deckie and my chief stew) a Scotsman (our first officer) and 2 Brits (stew and deckie). So everyone was cheering for their team! We had some awesome pub food and a few beers and I was screeching for both SA and England simultaneously, as they were playing on screens next to each other (always have to cheer for England after SA due to my British ancestry and the fact that thanks to them, I have this glorious British passport). 

My chief stew

Supporting the boks....

As we won the rugby I was in high spirits, and on the way home, passing a shoe store I caught a glimpse of some boots that made me start walking in slow motion as I tried to take them in- Black. Suede. The boots I had searched for all over London. Now granted they were heels, not flats, but when I tried them on it was like they became part of my body. Comfiest boots I have ever worn that fitted like a glove. Ching-ching! Another  110GBP. Eeeeek! This was becoming ridiculous. My blog is going to have to change to eat, pray (not to get fat), SHOP. I swore (for real this time) that this was my last purchase. So I took the rest of my euros up to our First Officer and told him to lock them away in the safe, and to do so with the rest of my weekly pay checks until I left for SA (bar 50 euros pocket money a week).  I even drew up a budget (before you freak out mom and dad...). 

SA- yes! So I was granted my leave to come back for Tammy’s wedding and was told I might as well stay for Christmas, so I am pretty ecstatic! CPT summer here I come! It’s a month till I get back so I have 4 weeks to tone up to fit into that bridesmaid dress, so last week I started a diet and kiff as exercise plan. I’ve been pretty good, although tonight my self-will totally left me when the chef’s brought out dessert (which they rarely do), consisting of chocolate torte and homemade pistachio ice cream. Total indulgence.

I’m on watch this eve so I have to go do my last rounds now, hopefully I’ll be in Portsmouth when I next write! Twilight Breaking Dawn part 2 with the girls tomorrow eve! Even more exciting than the monkeys! x

Life as a stewardess!

So it’s been 10 days since my first day of work on a superyacht! Last week I was introduced to the stewardess rotation schedule- either laundry, crew mess or interior. Laundry- self explanatory. Crew mess- crew kitchen/lounge cleaning and setting up for tea/lunch. Interior- cleaning interior areas of boat including Bridge, guest areas etc.  Some boats hire stewardesses for a specific role only (laundry or housekeeping or service) so it’s really nice to work on a boat where you are on rotation, as you get to do a bit of everything and it adds some variety to your week! 

The 78m superyacht I work on!

Laundry day duty is becoming my favourite though, as you can just stick on your ipod, pump your tunes and get on with it (right now my favourite music for laundry and cleaning is drum & bass. I kinda dance around with the mop). Doing laundry and ironing requires no physical activity and is pretty therapeutic (kinda like baking), whereas working the interior involves walking up and down 5 flights of stairs 8-12 times a day no jokes), lugging vacuum cleaners and buckets and mops around. After those days though, you at least feel as though you’ve done some exercise... The concern with weight gain is still top of mind, due to the endless buffet food and snack cupboards on the boat and what seems like endless drinking. 

Jen and I have been trying to get into a routine of running 6km each day, then stopping midway to do squats, lunges, push ups, abs etc. We tried a new route last week past the fort, towards Biot. The mountains in the distance are now covered with snow and the view is gorgeous. It’s pretty flipping freezing. The temperature has just plummeted this last week and the mornings and evenings have gone from being “fresh” to freezing with most days being pretty chilly too. Jackets and snoods are out in full force (and if you’re asking yourself wtf is a snood, then you need to pull your head out of the sand and join the 21^st century). 

Talking about snoods.... the other weekend my fabulous flatmates and I decided to go shopping in Nice for the day. The awful dreary weather and pissing rain didn't dampen our spirits as we sat on the train to Nice, rubbing our hands in glee, eyes wide and excited at the thought of the clothes that lay in store for us. Too many clothes, too little time..... We descended on H&M and Zara like mad women and after running around like kids in a toy store shouting things like “Oh my god did you SEE that?!” “What other colours did they have?” “Does it come with accessories?” “I want one of those, where did you find it?!” we finally left with bulging shopping bags and empty wallets. I sat on the train ride home, exhausted, but with that post retail therapy glow and fuzzy warm feeling that makes you smile (think post orgasm feeling...) and decided a nap was definitely in order.

But with the housemates that I have, that was never going to happen...... We get back to the house around 7pm, with the girls in full force, whipping out the espresso machine and vodka to make espresso martinis. 

Liz loves her cereal

Housemates!

A big night was definitely on the cards and I decided that I wanted to wear my new dress! To Dana’s disapproval, I had decided to also wear heels and earrings (far too dressed up for Antibes they all said). But I wanted to dress up and I was going to give it all or nothing. So as we do, we again ended up at Antibes most popular nightclub (it being the only place open after 12am...) “Equinox”.

 Well it wasn’t my proudest moment, but I was told (my memory is a bit fuzzy...) that I got thrown out the club. Twice. The first time for not wearing shoes (apparently I just idly left them near the dance floor and decided to walk around barefoot instead. Poor Jenny was traipsing around after me picking up my things). The second time for dancing on the DJ’s stool size speaker and then falling and doing a faceplant onto the floor. Fail. I woke up the next morning with a huge bruise on my left leg that ran from my ankle to my knee and an even bigger LC after getting a recap of the night.

Last week I just tried to put my head down and get into the swing of things at work. I still can’t get over the amount of detail and luxury that you see on superyachts- no expense is spared. Each room looks like the inside of a palace and each will have its own theme/colour scheme and everything (including the walls) is either silk or leather. All crew members have walkie talkies so we can communicate with each other across 5 floors. The main door to the boat has a palm reading scanner as security. There is also one at the passarail (the gangway thing) as the boat sets its alarm/beams from 10pm so if you get home later than that you have to scan in before you get on the passarail. It’s pretty frikkin cool if you ask me. And anything I could ever need or want is provided for the crew on the boat- medicine, every toiletry under the sun- shampoos, facewash, suntan lotion, lip balm, hand cream, razors, even tampons and condoms. And we have like 8 different crew uniforms.

Last Wed was Halloween so we dressed all in black with devil horns and tails (all we could find sadly) and dotted on some red lipstick and headed out to a restaurant/bar called the Blue Lady. Everyone was dressed up so I was pretty impressed, even the hot kiwi who was rocking a ghostbusters outfit and the backpack was was full of wine. My kinda guy! The night was pretty messy (no great amount of detail needed, but we ended up at that dodgy hole again, Equinox. And no I didn't faceplant off a speaker this time or get kicked out but I did leave with the hot kiwi again). 

I was keen to have a little chill on Thurs but it was Jen’s last night in Antibes so we HAD to go out (obviously). I was exhausted (I think I only had 2hrs sleep from the night before and then I had to work an 8hr day). Well Equinox was pretty quiet and I was getting slightly bored as I didn't feel like drinking, but then we met some saffa guys and the one called “steak” (no jokes) who was pretty hammered, was adamant that he could do the “Gangnam Style” dance and then proceeded to demonstrate this on the middle of the dancefloor which was so flipping funny! 

"steak"

On Friday we were told that the boat is going to the UK this week and we are due to stay there for the next 1-3 months in Portsmouth. Well I heard Portsmouth is a bit of a dodgy hole and I’ve really grown to love Antibes and it’s started to feel like home, so I’m a tad bleak. I’ve made some awesome friends here and will also be leaving the hot kiwi behind, who I'd started growing a soft spot for. Nevermind the fact that I’m concerned about the crossing- apparently its 10 days and pretty rough- and I get really seasick (yes I know what you are thinking). But other than that I’m pretty stoked! We’ll be 1.5hrs train ride from London and at least we are near a big shopping centre that has a Primark and H&M and everyone speaks English!!

I was keen to celebrate what I thought was going to be my last weekend in Antibes... Saturday night it was the birthday of the bar owner (Mika) of the local yachtie hangout bar “Le Happy Face”. Mika was having a party there and then hired buses to take everyone to a club in Juan le Pins where he booked out a room and had some bottles. Dana, Liz, Louise and I ended up in the back of a dodgy panel van with about 30 other people that made its way to an even dodgier club in JLP. 

Mika

Me and Dana

Luke- one of the boys from another boat

Louise the crazy swede

Trent- another boy from one of the other superyachts

Louise is my crazy Swede friend who works on the boat next to me (I have the hot kiwi on one side and Louise’s boat on the other). She is like a walking encyclopaedia and I swear sometimes she has turrets, but she is loads of fun and has that typical Swedish look that all boys go gaga over- blonde hair and blue eyes. Sunday eve we met up with the hot kiwi and the guys from his boat who are also really kiff, and had a few beers. I then had to pack and leave our little home (the apartment) and move onto the boat. Excitement!

My cabin is huge as crew cabin sizes go- usually they are pretty tight, like the photo in my 14 October blog. This one is bigger than the entire apartment Dana, Liz, Jenny and I were sharing! I have the top bunk with the porthole which is pretty shweet and then we each have a TV and the bathroom is as big as my one back home. The only thing is its short on is cupboard space! 

This week as flown by with nothing all that eventful happening, except dinner with the girls and a dinner last night with my new crew. We leave for Portsmouth tomorrow at 10am, although we are stopping at Gibraltar to refuel, which is 2 days away. We might then be held up at Gib for a few days due to bad weather on the other side in the Bay of Briscay. The chief engineer says to me today "Tiff i don't mean this to scare you but the Bay of Briscay has some of the worst weather I have ever experienced in all my years at sea". Fuck. I’m kinding kakking myself.... but I started taking my seasickness tablets and ginger tablets 4 days ago, so I’m just hoping I’m going to be okay and not spending the next 10 days curled up in the foetal position, hugging the toilet bowl. I have told myself even if that is the case, I won’t actually die (hopefully) and best case scenario is at least I’ll lose a few kg’s!

See you all on the other side!