A new chapter, another new beginning

Well! It’s been about a month since I last spoke to any of you about my adventures and where they have taken me. It’s been quite a whirlwind, hence why I haven’t found time to blog. The last month saw me leave my old boat, then head to Ibiza for my birthday, before going home to SA for 2 weeks and then back to France and now Spain, which is where my new adventure will start J As you may or may not have known, my job on my previous boat was only seasonal, so I had started to look around when what seemed like the perfect job landed in my lap- well not really, it was more put in my lap by my friend Alice, who put me forward for it J Thanks moo!! So tonight I join the boat in Palma and then tomorrow we set sail for Antigua, in the Caribbean, where we will spend the next 6 months before making our way back to the Med. I am very excited and can’t wait to meet my new crew!

I hate leaving things out, so even though the past is past, it always shows how you’ve come to where you are today. So I’m going to go backwards and just fill you in on the last few adventures, although the pics are already on Facebook so put them all up here:

22 Sept Portofino

Portofino. What a gorgeous little town. The little shops and restaurants that house apartments above are an array of warm and earthy colours- orange and yellow hues and palettes of reds and cream. Green shutters and doors and little veranda's with things like "Pizzeria el Portico" written on in typical Italian font. Depending on which cobbled street or pretty alleyway you are ambling along, your nose is either met with smells of pizza, fresh calamari and other seafood delights or rich scents of espresso that waft delectably up to your nose, so that you can almost taste them.

Red and white checked table cloths with candles are the table decoration of choice at most of the characteristic pizzeria's and restaurants. Loud and jolly Italian voices and laughter fill the warm evening air. It’s a lovely atmosphere and I smile to myself as I sit at the little Italian restaurant that I have chosen for the evening. With a hot and stringy salami and mushroom pizza in front of me and a delicious glass of Italian red wine in hand, I feel relaxed as I sit back and watch the world around me.  The streets are busy in the evening and so are the shops; souvenir stores that carry an assortment of curios from colourful fridge magnets and wall decorations to bags, hats and all kinds of kitchen utensils that all display "Portofino". And in contrast, the expensive shops selling Italian leather shoes and jackets, designer handbags, jewellery and cashmere.

The Italian culture is one of relaxing, celebrating and socialising with family and friends, which usually takes place over a meal at home or in a restaurant. Italians have a passion for eating, but also for talking and as you walk in the streets or stop at a café, you will notice Italians of all ages engaged in intense and animated discussions. A love for food and talking- and often at the same time. Sounds exactly like me! Even though I sit at my little table of 1, I don't feel alone at all, I can't help feeling completely at home at a place I have only just arrived at. The more places I see in Italy, the more I fall in love. I feel so content just sitting, and watching the world go by, immersed in the laid back, relaxing and passionate Italian culture. I would love to stay, but my journey doesn't end here and there are things to do and places to be; more little towns waiting for me to visit and fall in love with. I feel the same way as I think the narrator does in one of my favourite poems by Robert Browning. It’s called Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening.

It’s such a beautiful poem that always gives me goosebumps and a warm fuzzy feeling. The narrator is content and happy to sit and observe the scene in front of him, not wanting to leave. I think he feels peaceful. But then he is reminded that he has things to do and places to be, so he cannot stay. It’s just how I feel sitting here in Portofino. Here is the poem- please have a read:

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

 

05 Oct Ibiza

After the Russian charter, our boat headed to Ibiza where we would be meeting our owners. As a now experienced seafarer, I was pretty much 100% sure that I no longer got seasick. Well apparently not.

Whilst underway, Nicoletta and I still needed to get the boat ready for the next guests, so even though it was a bit rough, we still had to try and work. I was in the lower guest bathrooms, cleaning with pure Alcohol in the showers and Nicoletta said to me “Tiffany just be careful using that, you are in a confined space and the fumes might make you feel sick, especially when the sea gets rough. Maybe use another product instead”. No problem I said, happy to use the alcohol and I’m sure I’d be fine.

15mins later…..

After a wave of nausea I decided I just needed some fresh air away from the alcohol, however no amount of deep breaths on the aft deck, or nibbling on ginger (which I swear by) was making me feel any better. After trying to lie down and sleep and fighting nausea, I had to do a mad dash to the bathroom, where I spent the next 15mins with my arms around the toilet bowl, wishing that the boat would sink and we’d all die, as it would be far less unpleasant than having to deal with seasickness for the next 12hrs. Our one owner was on board on his own, and he literally did not leave his room for that 32hrs. The sea had gotten rough and things had started to fall and smash- trays, ornaments, the spice rack in the galley as well as all our chefs’ sauces. We went in to check on the owner a few times and there were just documents and papers all over the floor, a big decorative ceramic bowl of apples had been flung from its place on a the sideboard and there were granny smith apples rolling around all over his floor. He was just huddled under his duvet watching TV, refusing to move. I don’t blame him, it’s the safest place to be! There was no point in trying to clean up as the sea was still so rough. We did what damage control we could to secure the rest of the things around the boat. Nicoletta wasn’t doing much better than me seasickness wise, and we had both taken up camp on the guest sofa’s in the main salon, praying that sleep would come to us. It eventually did and we woke in the early hours of the next day to survey the damage and clean up. And then we were in Ibiza!

I only got to explore a bit of Ibiza town whilst I was still working, but what a cute place! Lots of gorgeous little restaurants and tapas bars and loads and loads of bars- with promoters outside coming up to you and trying to convince you to buy tickets to the parties happening that night. But it wasn’t until I left the boat at the end of the week and went to the other side of the island (the party side), for my birthday, that I got to experience Ibiza’s nightlife.

My best guy friend, Darrin, was meant to join me in Ibiza for my birthday, but he got a charter last minute so couldn’t make it. Luckily after some Facebook investigation, I found out that my friend Ben was also heading there that week for his 30^th birthday with some friends. In true Tiffany style I just asked if I could tag along and it turned out to be one of my top holidays! The guys were all great- all ex crew members’ from Ben’s last boat and we spent the following 5 days at Bora Bora (in the day) for the beach parties and then a different club every night. The clubs are amazing. If you love your hard music, lasers, smoke machines and can dance your arse off for hours, then this is like you have died and gone to heaven. It was a crazy week of little sleep and lots of partying and at the end I was absolutely exhausted but it was so worth it. Highlights: Drum & Bass party at Amnesia (my favourite club) where the line-up consisted of Nero, Chase & Status and Subfocus.

The boys left and I was meant to stay a few extra days, but I woke up the morning after my birthday feeling AWFUL from too much partying and lack of sleep. I called Darrin in tears and he convinced me to just book a flight back to France and come and see him. So I did just that.

And back in the present:

Now I haven’t spoken all that much about Darrin. We met in the Caribbean in January through friends and then I remember telling you that when I needed a place to stay in Antibes after I got let go from my job, he was there for me and got me all sorted out. We became good friends and then when I got my job on Latitude in July, he happened to get a job on a boat 2 berths down from me. So for the 3 months of the European season, we were neighbours (when we were actually in the port, which wasn’t much as we were on charters, maybe like a day every 10-12 days or something) and I had a friend. So whenever we were back in port we’d hang out and he’d listen to all my bitching and moaning and we’d go for drinks and laugh about work. He was also always just a phonecall away and would council me through those times I had burst into tears on a charter and locked myself in the bathroom. I was his “go to” person aswell, and you could say we had started to become best friends. We really felt like the other person always knew exactly how we felt, without us having to explain much and always knew what to say to make the other feel better. We have loads of fun when hanging out and are always laughing and being silly. You don’t get to see many other yachties in crazy charter season, so we always looked forward to seeing each other inbetween charters. So I think it was inevitable that somewhere along the line even though I tried in vain to ignore it for ages that some feelings were going to develop.

And they did. They appeared to come from the other side first, but even so, I waited till I was fairly sure till it looked safe until I let my feelings materialize. After a kiss one night before a month long charter trip, I was pretty certain I knew that this felt real. After some declarations of love over the next month, whilst apart, I was adamant that I had meant my soulmate. Falling for your best friend might be the scariest thing ever cos you are risking so much, so you resist it for ages, but when you let yourself fall it’s the most amazing feeling in the world. This person already knows you and understands you better than you know yourself. I can’t tell you how happy I felt. So after I got back from Ibiza, I had a week in France before heading back to SA on holiday. I couldn’t wait to see him, it was like high school butterflies. And when I did, I felt like we were two magnets that just pulled together. And we were inseparable for the next 3 days. Lying on the couch, on his chest, just under his chin, with him stroking my hair, is honestly the happiest place I’ve ever been in my life. I feel no worry, no stress, relaxed, content, loved, safe. And when he holds my face and looks at me with those beautiful blue eyes, whatever he says to me, I believe him and I know everything will be okay.

I started to realize over those 3 days that I was falling in love and I wasn’t even scared, because I was sure he felt the same. I felt like the happiness would bubble out of me and I was sure people could read it all over my face. Which apparently they did, as when I went back home most of my friends said I was literally radiating. But alas, some people are meant to fall in love and not be together and it seems this is our fate. The industry we are in doesn’t allow for relationships and with some other issues factored into our situation, it was just not going to be possible for us to be together.

After returning from my 2 week holiday to Cape Town, I spent the last 3 days in France to say my goodbyes. I think it’s fair to say I’m heart broken and after a night of little sleep and a teary taxi ride to the airport, I spent the 2hr flight to Madrid just going over it all in my mind- as us girls do. From Day 1 to where I am now, smiling at memories, analysing things and trying to ensure I remember every little thing, so that I can now sit myself down and try to forget.

Silly isn’t it. How we are often so scared of forgetting, that we spend hours daydreaming about ‘what was’ because we don’t want to let go. But then all we want to do is to forget! You want to forget you ever felt anything at all! You want to forget but you don’t. Same as how you love someone so much that you hate them so much for hurting you. You bounce between the two constantly, I love you, I hate you, it’s exhausting.

So what I am saying, is that sitting here on the floor of Madrid airport (due to the fact that my laptop died and the only plug I could find was on the floor next to the fire escape, opposite the pharmacy), I know what I need to do. Which is something to be proud of actually. Because I often I don’t know what to do and I turn into a bit of an emotional mess. But one thing yachting has done for me this past year, is toughen me up and made me realise that if you can’t do anything about it, there is no point stressing about it, you just have to let it go. So yes, I fell in love with my best friend and I wanted it to work. He may or may not love me, but he definitely can’t be with me and unfortunately, if that’s the case, the rest doesn’t matter. So I am putting band aids on my little heart and putting on my big girl panties and looking forward to this new job being the start of a new chapter for me. Everything happens for a reason and I know it will all be okay. IF its meant to be then one day it will, and it its not, then this is part of my path to something amazing J